Do You Want to Be Right or Happy ?
Take a few minutes to think about the following question: Would you rather be right or be happy? Most of us would probably answer that we’d rather be happy than right in any given situation. But when was the last time you remember walking away from an unproductive argument? Or letting go of an issue when you know that the other party is wrong? Somehow many of us have fallen into the trap of equating happiness with being right. In fact, we can’t rest or relax or enjoy our lives until we’ve proven ourselves right, a mindset that often leads to exhaustion and burnout quicker than you can walk away from an argument.
The psychology of needing to be right highlights a certain inflexibility in our personality or mindset that can greatly hold us back in any situation, particularly when we try to adapt to our new lives abroad. Researchers and therapists alike have highlighted the ways that insisting on our perspective can bar us from our own happiness. The need to be right can destroy relationships and distort reality by filtering it through our incessant need to be right. Indeed, we can get so caught up in our own point of view, our need to be right, that we miss out on so many opportunities for happiness because we’d rather feel like we’re safe and secure in our own perspective.
When it comes to transitioning to your new life abroad, this drive to be right can actually keep you stuck in your process of transition. It might even make you fall into a process of assimilation where you lose key parts of your identity or, on the other hand, it may alienate you from your new surroundings, making you feel isolated and lonely. Think about it: the need to be right can manifest in subtle, insidious ways during your transition abroad. Do you feel like you need to know the language like a native before you even try to speak to your neighbor? Do you need to know everything about the food history and culture of your new city in order to cook a traditional dish or accept an invite to a dinner party? See how being right can slowly erode our ability to take risks and find our own unique happiness in our new life abroad?
Transitioning into a life abroad is, by design, an imperfect process. You’re not always going to be right. And it’s important to acknowledge that the need to be right is actually your heart grasping for safety and peace amid the chaos that comes with transition and living abroad. It’s okay to acknowledge your desire to be right and also embrace your imperfections and the times that you’re wrong as you undertake this process of authentically integrating into your new home.
Questions for Reflection:
What do you feel like you need to be right about in order to feel comfortable living abroad?
How can you start to let go of “right” and instead seek out “happy”?
How does “being right” stop you from taking risks?
