You can’t change the picture, but you can change the frame

Do you have a favorite picture? Maybe it’s a picture of your kids, your dog, your partner – or maybe even one of you when you were younger. These days we can snap a picture, upload it to Instagram and forget about it relatively quickly. But your favorite picture – the one that holds some special or significant meaning for you? You treat it differently. You might get it professionally printed or framed, or maybe it fits in your wallet. You might set it as the background on your phone, your watch, or even your work computer. But no matter where you post this image, one thing will always remain true: You can’t change the picture, but you can change the frame.

This is especially true for negative experiences or the negative perspectives we pick up along our journey in life. This is a lesson I learned from Kim Dubois, who shared her journey living and working abroad for the U.S. Foreign Service with me for my book Authentigrate. For several decades, Kim travelled the world, setting up her home in the different countries where her work took her. The places to which she travelled for work were sometimes unstable locales, swept up in political and social unrest or afflicted by poor infrastructure, medical and social facilities. From Lagos to Kabul to London, Kim learned she still dealt with the stress of work, homesickness, and the challenge of adapting to a new culture. She also discovered that there were plenty of challenging experiences she would have to contend with in each country she landed in. But, she learned that while the picture of these experiences never changed, the frame itself could. She could reframe her negative perspectives, thereby transforming her experiences.

In part, Kim learned this lesson through a photograph of her own. No matter where she landed, after relocating, the first item she unpacked were the photos of her maternal grandmother, Grace. Grace had grown up in the segregated South, paying her own way through college and earning her degree in French. Although she had never gotten to fulfill her dream of going to France, Grace nevertheless blazed a trail for her family, moving them from the South to Baltimore. Grace knew how to reframe the picture of the negative experiences and circumstances in her life creating a better outlook for all those that would stand on her shoulders in future generations.

In each new home abroad, Kim would dig out her grandmother’s picture and place it on her wall. The picture never changed, even if the frame itself did. It served as a reminder to Kim to continue to reframe her own experiences.

Often, we think about the process of changing our mindset as one that demands we dramatically shift our perspective. But this isn’t always the case. Like Kim, we can learn that we can change the frame, even if we can’t change the picture. This is quite literally true – photographs never change their contents. But it’s also true that when we learn how to reframe the picture, the negativity around us can evaporate. For Kim, it was holding on to her grandmother’s photograph as a reminder of where she was coming from as she lived and worked abroad. For you, embracing the process of reframing may help you as your shift your perspective about your circumstances.

Questions for Reflection:

·       What are some negative aspects that make up the “picture” of your life?

·       How can you reframe those negative experiences or perceptions?

·       Is there an object or photograph that can help remind you of your unique perspective and history?

·       What rituals can you engage to connect to your identity and history?